Life Lately: Growth, Grief & Self-Love in 2025

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I’ve been meaning to check in, to give an account of how life has been and whether I’ve stayed true to the promises I made to myself at the start of the year.

Is it just me, or does it feel like 2025 has already been quite a year? It’s only February, yet it feels like so much has happened. My year started strong; I found myself in spaces and rooms I had never been in before. I’ve been confronting my fears individually, and I’m learning to commend myself for it instead of ruminating on “you could have done better.”

At the start of the year, I set a goal: to break the rules I had unknowingly created for myself—rules that, spoken or unspoken, sometimes served as excuses not to do the needful. I wanted to challenge my pattern, especially the one of waiting for the perfect time to do things. Have I done even half of a problem set because “the little work counts,” as I told myself? I’d say I’ve been trying. I’ve pushed myself to read in unconventional places and not wait for the perfect time to do things. It’s still a work in progress.

I’ve also been dealing with my big and small emotions as they come. One big emotion I’m learning to navigate is disappointments in friendships and from expectations I had. This is still quite a journey.

Lately, I’ve also been reflecting on grief. Not grief in the form of losing a loved one, but grief for what could have been. I’ve been mourning the maybes, the what-ifs, and the paths that didn’t unfold the way I imagined. I’ve grieved missed opportunities, decisions I wish I had made differently, routines I couldn’t sustain, moments when silence might have healed more than words, friendships that faded, and times when truth would have served me better. I’ve grieved for the moments I leaned on assumptions instead of seeking clarity, for the wasted effort, the wasted breath. But I’m trying to move past that.

Lastly, a  few days ago, we received an email from the school about the passing of a student. The notification came right as I was envisioning the future ahead of me. The news made me pause. It made me ask: What is truly essential?

There’s a verse that says, “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” That question has been lingering in my mind. It has led me to take inventory of my life, to consider what my regrets might be if my time were to come. One realization stands out—I don’t want to regret not being gentle with myself, especially in this season of noise and the pressure to figure everything out.

So, my next goal is nestled within this question: How do I love Lorine gently? How do I forgive her without condemning her for slipping? I am my own project, and I look forward to updating you on how this journey unfolds.

Things I’m Enjoying in February

  • Loving the Hallelujah Challenge—the faith, the dance, His presence. It’s beautiful.
  • Podcasts: Papa Jon’s Journal and a French one (À cœur ouvert—just started listening today).
  • Watching my friends win and live in answered prayers.
  • And after a long time, I got a crush but sadly it lasted for only a day, sometimes, ignorance is bliss. You think they’re amazing until you learn more. Ptdrrr!

Until next time bisoux!💕


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